cancers are sweet and disarming in appearance, its really like you just want to crawl into their lap and let them hold you. they are maternal and sympathetic people who try extremely hard to get out of their ‘down’ moods. sometimes they just want to be alone so they can’t hurt anybody
I really just want to lie next to someone and cradle their face while they’re cradling mine, and run our fingertips across one anothers lips like we’ve forgotten what they’ve tasted like, to turn the lights off and make love as often as possible, and fuck when one of us has let our temper get the better of our tongue.
ok so just yesterday i was thinking about your writing for some reason and reading some old stuff and you should absolutely make a book of your writings/open up a PO box because i think you would be the loveliest pen pal and i'd send you cozy letters.
I really need to do this. I can’t imagine bringing him oodles of letters every week from all of you, giving people an outlet that can be entirely anonymous. It’s just jksdhjres it’s such a beautiful idea and I really need to just go through with it. I should do that this week, yes?
You answered that last question so perfectly. Someone always comes.
It’s such a powerful thought! It honestly is, ugh it literally digs right down into my bones. I’ve even thought of getting it tattooed somewhere petite and hidden, like my own lil message to my body whenever it needs it for those aches & loneliness that sweeps in every once in awhile.
do you think i will found again someone who i will be happy and feel myself around? do you think this is possible?
It’s strange, that the first thing I thought of when I read this is what I’ve adopted some sort of mantra for when I found myself feeling too consumed. The last time I allowed myself to feel something for someone, I couldn’t help but to sit alone back in my bedroom and tell myself ‘someone always comes’, that there is always more, that there is always someone else even if you couldn’t bare to fit them inside of you. Even when you don’t want them to. You’d think that would be something you’d tell yourself when you don’t feel as if you have anyone, you know? But it’s a terrifying and beautiful thought. Just tell it to yourself, lay down and close your eyes and just murmur it even in your head if you have to, and I promise it’ll warm you even a little bit. Someone always comes.
Are you rich? How do afford to buy such expensive stuff when you work at Starbucks?
I’m curious as to what expensive things you think I have? Anything that I spend a good amount of money on I save up for, I’m no different than any other college student working their way through loans at minimum wage. If I want something, I’ll budget so that I can get it.
“Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. It doesn’t have to be a walk during which you’ll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don’t find meaning but ‘steal’ some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn’t make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.”—Albert Camus
I want to take a minute to let you know how much I’ve missed being here. I logged on this morning after lying in bed thinking about how long it’d been and I almost feel foreign on my own blog. I have so many messages asking where I am, where I’ve been, that you guys miss me and my writing, etc, and it’s digging an ache into my chest. Honestly. I never meant to up and “disappear” from here, and I know a lot of you followed me religiously and checked back all the time for my ramblings, or my writings, or just shanny being shanny. You’ve asked what I’ve been up to, to give you some sort of update, tell you what’s been happening, but really there isn’t much to tell, babes.
The past few months I’ve become far more subdued, I’ve drifted from a pretty solid number of friends because of the fact that I’ve just required a lot of time alone, and I’m still not sure whether I deserve that time or if it reflects off as me just being an unreliable friend to them. I don’t know how anyone takes it. I know friends have been getting frustrated with me because I don’t text them as much as I used to, because I won’t sit on my phone and text them repeatedly with a conversation like I used to, but I for some reason just can’t be bothered with it all. I don’t know how to sum up what’s happened the past year of my life, or if it’s been wonderfully silent or terrifying all together, but the one damn thing I know to tell you, the one thing that’s taken up all of my energy: writing.
School and work are a hassle, they’re draining, but that’s not the reason I haven’t been coming on. There isn’t a reason for that that’d help you understand any more than I could give to the few I’ve slowly separated from. I’ve just been consumed, thoughtfully, at least, and quite literally all I do with my free time is just that: write.
But I want to be back here, I miss the support, I miss all you lil tulips so much and the past few days or so I’ve been thinking of revamping everything. Restarting my themes page and making a resource page to go along with it. Getting out a small book of my writings that you haven’t seen if any of you would be interested. Opening that P.O. box so that you all can write to someone with no filter, whether you send it anonymously or not. It’s hard to promise that I’ll be here again like I used to be, like I always was, but I feel this ridiculous wanting and ebbing wrapped around my heart to do that, not just for you but for myself.
So I dunno, once again I know it’s been awhile. I hope ya’ll still lub me, because I’m still shanny okay.